Boss showing lack of respect towards colleague
I've been with my company for 9 months as a software developer.
Several times I've witnessed the boss shouting at people, talking condescendingly or aggressively.
So far, he's only pulled me aside to badmouth my colleague in an attempt to "motivate me" (his words). I've realised working with this boss is causing me a lot of stress.
Otherwise I like the company and the work.
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company?
My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleagues, it may be how he'll treat me in the near future or how he talks about me behind my back. I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
stress europe
New contributor
add a comment |
I've been with my company for 9 months as a software developer.
Several times I've witnessed the boss shouting at people, talking condescendingly or aggressively.
So far, he's only pulled me aside to badmouth my colleague in an attempt to "motivate me" (his words). I've realised working with this boss is causing me a lot of stress.
Otherwise I like the company and the work.
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company?
My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleagues, it may be how he'll treat me in the near future or how he talks about me behind my back. I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
stress europe
New contributor
4
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
7
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
1
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday
add a comment |
I've been with my company for 9 months as a software developer.
Several times I've witnessed the boss shouting at people, talking condescendingly or aggressively.
So far, he's only pulled me aside to badmouth my colleague in an attempt to "motivate me" (his words). I've realised working with this boss is causing me a lot of stress.
Otherwise I like the company and the work.
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company?
My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleagues, it may be how he'll treat me in the near future or how he talks about me behind my back. I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
stress europe
New contributor
I've been with my company for 9 months as a software developer.
Several times I've witnessed the boss shouting at people, talking condescendingly or aggressively.
So far, he's only pulled me aside to badmouth my colleague in an attempt to "motivate me" (his words). I've realised working with this boss is causing me a lot of stress.
Otherwise I like the company and the work.
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company?
My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleagues, it may be how he'll treat me in the near future or how he talks about me behind my back. I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
stress europe
stress europe
New contributor
New contributor
edited yesterday
Pixelomo
1,483717
1,483717
New contributor
asked 2 days ago
YaourtoideYaourtoide
32126
32126
New contributor
New contributor
4
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
7
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
1
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday
add a comment |
4
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
7
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
1
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday
4
4
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
7
7
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
1
1
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday
add a comment |
6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
Yes, it is bad. Your instinct is right and the fact that you're asking us indicates you already know the answer.
Your boss' motivation for acting like this doesn't matter. He may be a sociopath, he may be misguided, but the result is the same: you get stressed out and are miserable.
And as you said even if he doesn't treat you like this now, he has shown he's capable of it so there's no guarantee he won't act like this towards you in the future.
My advice is to polish up your CV and let the free market do its thing.
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a genericI was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.
– Gertsen
yesterday
|
show 1 more comment
Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable. Being aggressive with co-workers is never acceptable, even more so when you are a manager.
Since it stresses you, you have to do something about this.
There isn't really room for moving in the company.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
I think the answer is here. Get another job and then quit.
You won't be able to make him change his behaviour. His hierarchical position and your "juniority" will play against you and you only risk burning bridges by confronting him.
A company that promotes/keeps an aggressive project manager is a bad company. It can happen in big ones because upper management don't see it and there are a lot of managers, but in smaller ones the upper management can see it and it seems they don't do anything. Even if they do not see this, a toxic manager like this can slow your career progression or stop it completely.
add a comment |
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
Given these 2 facts you should certainly look for another job at your leisure. I would keep my head down and try and finish out a year first and leave on good terms if it wasn't too stressful. Because it looks better that way. But I don't really care how others are treated.
I've worked for people like this before and eventually you will get the short end as well for something probably quite minor. But if you can get through and leave on good terms it's worth doing. After you leave don't bad mouth your old workplace either, the people who know it will already be aware and think well of you for getting through unscathed, those who don't might assume anything.
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company ? My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleague, it may be how he'll treat me in the future or how he talks about me behind my back.
You are 100% correct.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere.
I would suggest this is a sensible option. Just make sure you don't badmouth your boss on the way out, and then you've got yourself a clean exit with a good reference.
add a comment |
Why don't you turn this into an opportunity?
You might prepare an answer like "Sir (or Madam), I don't like employees being shouted at. I particularly dislike it when somebody does it with me. Therefore I'd like to request you to refrain from shouting.". (I particularly advise you to tell this to your boss when you're alone with him/her)
There are two possibilities:
- Either (s)he won't care and will shout at you. This is exactly what would have happened before, so you loose nothing here.
- Either (s)he will care about what you say and refrain from shouting. As a result you might be the one who has teached the boss to stop shouting, which might be good for your career (other colleagues will like you for it and the boss will respect you for standing up for yourself).
Good luck
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
add a comment |
It's an indication that you need to formulate a plan to get your boss fired. If you don't want to take that route then yeah you should just run away.
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
add a comment |
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6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
Yes, it is bad. Your instinct is right and the fact that you're asking us indicates you already know the answer.
Your boss' motivation for acting like this doesn't matter. He may be a sociopath, he may be misguided, but the result is the same: you get stressed out and are miserable.
And as you said even if he doesn't treat you like this now, he has shown he's capable of it so there's no guarantee he won't act like this towards you in the future.
My advice is to polish up your CV and let the free market do its thing.
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a genericI was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.
– Gertsen
yesterday
|
show 1 more comment
Yes, it is bad. Your instinct is right and the fact that you're asking us indicates you already know the answer.
Your boss' motivation for acting like this doesn't matter. He may be a sociopath, he may be misguided, but the result is the same: you get stressed out and are miserable.
And as you said even if he doesn't treat you like this now, he has shown he's capable of it so there's no guarantee he won't act like this towards you in the future.
My advice is to polish up your CV and let the free market do its thing.
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a genericI was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.
– Gertsen
yesterday
|
show 1 more comment
Yes, it is bad. Your instinct is right and the fact that you're asking us indicates you already know the answer.
Your boss' motivation for acting like this doesn't matter. He may be a sociopath, he may be misguided, but the result is the same: you get stressed out and are miserable.
And as you said even if he doesn't treat you like this now, he has shown he's capable of it so there's no guarantee he won't act like this towards you in the future.
My advice is to polish up your CV and let the free market do its thing.
Yes, it is bad. Your instinct is right and the fact that you're asking us indicates you already know the answer.
Your boss' motivation for acting like this doesn't matter. He may be a sociopath, he may be misguided, but the result is the same: you get stressed out and are miserable.
And as you said even if he doesn't treat you like this now, he has shown he's capable of it so there's no guarantee he won't act like this towards you in the future.
My advice is to polish up your CV and let the free market do its thing.
answered 2 days ago
rathrath
17.8k145788
17.8k145788
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a genericI was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.
– Gertsen
yesterday
|
show 1 more comment
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a genericI was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.
– Gertsen
yesterday
24
24
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
Also I would document everything just in case finding another job takes more time than expected and the situation needs to be escalated to HR. Which isn't the case now, of course, but better be prepared for the worst.
– BriseFlots
2 days ago
1
1
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
Absolutely - always a good idea to cya
– rath
2 days ago
16
16
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
There's a quote making its way around the web now for this: "People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses."
– Ethan The Brave
2 days ago
3
3
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
Keep in ind that witnessing bullying is almost as stressful as if it's happening to you directly. And yes, it's inevitable that he'll turn against you at some point. Leave before you get beaten down
– George M
2 days ago
2
2
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a generic
I was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.– Gertsen
yesterday
When asked why you're leaving, I recommend a generic
I was offered a position too good to pass up
answer (or similar). Don't mention the real reason, since there is no gain in doing so, and you'd probably burn a bridge by telling the truth.– Gertsen
yesterday
|
show 1 more comment
Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable. Being aggressive with co-workers is never acceptable, even more so when you are a manager.
Since it stresses you, you have to do something about this.
There isn't really room for moving in the company.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
I think the answer is here. Get another job and then quit.
You won't be able to make him change his behaviour. His hierarchical position and your "juniority" will play against you and you only risk burning bridges by confronting him.
A company that promotes/keeps an aggressive project manager is a bad company. It can happen in big ones because upper management don't see it and there are a lot of managers, but in smaller ones the upper management can see it and it seems they don't do anything. Even if they do not see this, a toxic manager like this can slow your career progression or stop it completely.
add a comment |
Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable. Being aggressive with co-workers is never acceptable, even more so when you are a manager.
Since it stresses you, you have to do something about this.
There isn't really room for moving in the company.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
I think the answer is here. Get another job and then quit.
You won't be able to make him change his behaviour. His hierarchical position and your "juniority" will play against you and you only risk burning bridges by confronting him.
A company that promotes/keeps an aggressive project manager is a bad company. It can happen in big ones because upper management don't see it and there are a lot of managers, but in smaller ones the upper management can see it and it seems they don't do anything. Even if they do not see this, a toxic manager like this can slow your career progression or stop it completely.
add a comment |
Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable. Being aggressive with co-workers is never acceptable, even more so when you are a manager.
Since it stresses you, you have to do something about this.
There isn't really room for moving in the company.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
I think the answer is here. Get another job and then quit.
You won't be able to make him change his behaviour. His hierarchical position and your "juniority" will play against you and you only risk burning bridges by confronting him.
A company that promotes/keeps an aggressive project manager is a bad company. It can happen in big ones because upper management don't see it and there are a lot of managers, but in smaller ones the upper management can see it and it seems they don't do anything. Even if they do not see this, a toxic manager like this can slow your career progression or stop it completely.
Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable. Being aggressive with co-workers is never acceptable, even more so when you are a manager.
Since it stresses you, you have to do something about this.
There isn't really room for moving in the company.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
I think the answer is here. Get another job and then quit.
You won't be able to make him change his behaviour. His hierarchical position and your "juniority" will play against you and you only risk burning bridges by confronting him.
A company that promotes/keeps an aggressive project manager is a bad company. It can happen in big ones because upper management don't see it and there are a lot of managers, but in smaller ones the upper management can see it and it seems they don't do anything. Even if they do not see this, a toxic manager like this can slow your career progression or stop it completely.
edited 2 days ago
Appulus
33848
33848
answered 2 days ago
LP154LP154
2,270619
2,270619
add a comment |
add a comment |
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
Given these 2 facts you should certainly look for another job at your leisure. I would keep my head down and try and finish out a year first and leave on good terms if it wasn't too stressful. Because it looks better that way. But I don't really care how others are treated.
I've worked for people like this before and eventually you will get the short end as well for something probably quite minor. But if you can get through and leave on good terms it's worth doing. After you leave don't bad mouth your old workplace either, the people who know it will already be aware and think well of you for getting through unscathed, those who don't might assume anything.
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
Given these 2 facts you should certainly look for another job at your leisure. I would keep my head down and try and finish out a year first and leave on good terms if it wasn't too stressful. Because it looks better that way. But I don't really care how others are treated.
I've worked for people like this before and eventually you will get the short end as well for something probably quite minor. But if you can get through and leave on good terms it's worth doing. After you leave don't bad mouth your old workplace either, the people who know it will already be aware and think well of you for getting through unscathed, those who don't might assume anything.
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
Given these 2 facts you should certainly look for another job at your leisure. I would keep my head down and try and finish out a year first and leave on good terms if it wasn't too stressful. Because it looks better that way. But I don't really care how others are treated.
I've worked for people like this before and eventually you will get the short end as well for something probably quite minor. But if you can get through and leave on good terms it's worth doing. After you leave don't bad mouth your old workplace either, the people who know it will already be aware and think well of you for getting through unscathed, those who don't might assume anything.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere
Given these 2 facts you should certainly look for another job at your leisure. I would keep my head down and try and finish out a year first and leave on good terms if it wasn't too stressful. Because it looks better that way. But I don't really care how others are treated.
I've worked for people like this before and eventually you will get the short end as well for something probably quite minor. But if you can get through and leave on good terms it's worth doing. After you leave don't bad mouth your old workplace either, the people who know it will already be aware and think well of you for getting through unscathed, those who don't might assume anything.
answered 2 days ago
KilisiKilisi
113k62250435
113k62250435
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
It's weird. I don't see how there are people who "know it" if the common/best practice for everybody is to be silent about anything negative. Do they rely on "bad" and "unprofessional" employees to get the info? Are the worst employees in this regard the best sources of information? Does nobody value honesty and integrity? Just wondering...
– Battle
yesterday
1
1
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Battle Not just the workplace. At some point, being a decent guy stopped meaning "stand up for what's right", and became "don't do anything bad, even to people who do bad things". "If you don't like it, leave" is an easy way out, and it really does work (trying to fix the problem is fraught with difficulties). And this widespread tolerance of intolerance tends to promote intolerance. Not that this is a new problem - "All that's needed for the Bad guys to win is for the Good guys to do nothing" and all that :) I know many decent guys who wouldn't even tell an asshole he's being an asshole.
– Luaan
yesterday
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
@Luaan I'm a good guy, and if an a-wipe was acting up towards me, my family or a helpless person I would definitely do something. But you pick your battles, I expect other men to stick up for themselves. If they don't then that's their problem on an individual level. Getting involved could be harmful to them. I live in a country where jobs are so scarce a lot of people put up with abuse as part of the job including taking physical punishment. That's up to them, if I interfered I could save them, and then they'd be unemployed feeding their families on grass. It's not black and white, rarely is.
– Kilisi
22 hours ago
1
1
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Kilisi No argument there - on a personal level, it makes 100% sense. The sad side-effect of this is that it progressively gets worse - not fast enough to be obvious, not fast enough that it really makes sense for you personally to try doing something about it (the effort is not worth the return to you and the people around you), but it just keeps getting worse. I suspect the same slow decay preceded things like Hitler gaining power in Germany - it slowly makes some people resigned and uncaring, and others hostile (both the abusers, the abused, and the watchers). Wish I had a solution :)
– Luaan
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
@Luaan there is no solution until people at the bottom get desperate enough, then blood splatters everywhere and it starts over.
– Kilisi
12 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company ? My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleague, it may be how he'll treat me in the future or how he talks about me behind my back.
You are 100% correct.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere.
I would suggest this is a sensible option. Just make sure you don't badmouth your boss on the way out, and then you've got yourself a clean exit with a good reference.
add a comment |
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company ? My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleague, it may be how he'll treat me in the future or how he talks about me behind my back.
You are 100% correct.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere.
I would suggest this is a sensible option. Just make sure you don't badmouth your boss on the way out, and then you've got yourself a clean exit with a good reference.
add a comment |
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company ? My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleague, it may be how he'll treat me in the future or how he talks about me behind my back.
You are 100% correct.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere.
I would suggest this is a sensible option. Just make sure you don't badmouth your boss on the way out, and then you've got yourself a clean exit with a good reference.
Is this a red flag that warrants leaving the company ? My guts tells me that if that's how he treats my colleague, it may be how he'll treat me in the future or how he talks about me behind my back.
You are 100% correct.
I have no financial problem and no issue finding works elsewhere.
I would suggest this is a sensible option. Just make sure you don't badmouth your boss on the way out, and then you've got yourself a clean exit with a good reference.
answered 2 days ago
berry120berry120
11.4k62142
11.4k62142
add a comment |
add a comment |
Why don't you turn this into an opportunity?
You might prepare an answer like "Sir (or Madam), I don't like employees being shouted at. I particularly dislike it when somebody does it with me. Therefore I'd like to request you to refrain from shouting.". (I particularly advise you to tell this to your boss when you're alone with him/her)
There are two possibilities:
- Either (s)he won't care and will shout at you. This is exactly what would have happened before, so you loose nothing here.
- Either (s)he will care about what you say and refrain from shouting. As a result you might be the one who has teached the boss to stop shouting, which might be good for your career (other colleagues will like you for it and the boss will respect you for standing up for yourself).
Good luck
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
add a comment |
Why don't you turn this into an opportunity?
You might prepare an answer like "Sir (or Madam), I don't like employees being shouted at. I particularly dislike it when somebody does it with me. Therefore I'd like to request you to refrain from shouting.". (I particularly advise you to tell this to your boss when you're alone with him/her)
There are two possibilities:
- Either (s)he won't care and will shout at you. This is exactly what would have happened before, so you loose nothing here.
- Either (s)he will care about what you say and refrain from shouting. As a result you might be the one who has teached the boss to stop shouting, which might be good for your career (other colleagues will like you for it and the boss will respect you for standing up for yourself).
Good luck
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
add a comment |
Why don't you turn this into an opportunity?
You might prepare an answer like "Sir (or Madam), I don't like employees being shouted at. I particularly dislike it when somebody does it with me. Therefore I'd like to request you to refrain from shouting.". (I particularly advise you to tell this to your boss when you're alone with him/her)
There are two possibilities:
- Either (s)he won't care and will shout at you. This is exactly what would have happened before, so you loose nothing here.
- Either (s)he will care about what you say and refrain from shouting. As a result you might be the one who has teached the boss to stop shouting, which might be good for your career (other colleagues will like you for it and the boss will respect you for standing up for yourself).
Good luck
Why don't you turn this into an opportunity?
You might prepare an answer like "Sir (or Madam), I don't like employees being shouted at. I particularly dislike it when somebody does it with me. Therefore I'd like to request you to refrain from shouting.". (I particularly advise you to tell this to your boss when you're alone with him/her)
There are two possibilities:
- Either (s)he won't care and will shout at you. This is exactly what would have happened before, so you loose nothing here.
- Either (s)he will care about what you say and refrain from shouting. As a result you might be the one who has teached the boss to stop shouting, which might be good for your career (other colleagues will like you for it and the boss will respect you for standing up for yourself).
Good luck
answered 2 days ago
DominiqueDominique
938311
938311
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
add a comment |
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
2
2
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
I wouldn't do that till after you've given notice :-)
– George M
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
Yeah, option 3 is that he/she takes offense at you pushing back, the workplace gets a lot uglier for you, and they possibly arrange to have you let go. It really can get quite a lot worse than the situation the OP is describing.
– Ben Barden
2 days ago
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
BenBarden and George : exactly my point: Yaourtoide is in a very comfortable position: no financial worries and no problem finding another job in case this backfires, so there's room for such experiments.
– Dominique
yesterday
2
2
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
@Dominique experiment? With intentionally angering a person with known anger management issues? I'd -1 but I already did. Bad advice. If you want to act out hero fantasy find a bully and stand up to them yourself.
– bruglesco
yesterday
add a comment |
It's an indication that you need to formulate a plan to get your boss fired. If you don't want to take that route then yeah you should just run away.
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
add a comment |
It's an indication that you need to formulate a plan to get your boss fired. If you don't want to take that route then yeah you should just run away.
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
add a comment |
It's an indication that you need to formulate a plan to get your boss fired. If you don't want to take that route then yeah you should just run away.
It's an indication that you need to formulate a plan to get your boss fired. If you don't want to take that route then yeah you should just run away.
edited yesterday
answered yesterday
SteveSteve
2,110516
2,110516
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
add a comment |
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
3
3
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
I seriously doubt someone whose been with a company just 9 months has any power to fire their boss
– Pixelomo
yesterday
2
2
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo I agree. Unless it's "fire out of a cannon", in which case it's more doable but it presents its own set of problems.
– vlaz
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
@Pixelomo If you can prove your boss is really bad you might be able to get them fired.
– Steve
yesterday
add a comment |
Yaourtoide is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yaourtoide is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yaourtoide is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Yaourtoide is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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4
For you, boss = Project Manager ? Or CEO ? Can you work in the same company for another boss ?
– LP154
2 days ago
Yes he is also project manager. It is a small company (less than 40 people) so there isn't really room for moving in the company.
– Yaourtoide
2 days ago
7
Regular yelling or belittling is usually a sign of a lack of professionalism.
– Mark Rogers
2 days ago
I'm surprised there aren't any answers here about reporting his behaviour to HR. Surely this toxic behaviour must be against at least one company policy.
– Ian MacDonald
yesterday
1
@MarkRogers It's also workplace abuse. No one deserves to be yelled at in a professional matter. Maybe scolded every once in a while, but regular yelling is definitely abuse.
– John Hamilton
yesterday