New manager is a jerk - is it OK to quit without providing a reason?












83














Imagine you work in a large company, and have had a great time.



After quite some time working with said large company, the manager which hired you - an inspiring, warm, and empowering person - was promoted to work in another country, and instead a new manager was hired.



This manager, now your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong race/nationality", etc), and to your amazement your colleagues follow suit - and your workplace is no longer engaging and fun, but mostly a 9-5 pain.



Naturally, it's time to quit. However, as this is a large company, there'll be a leaving interview, maybe a hearing, and a reason will be asked.



Since saying that the reason you quit is because the new manager is a jerk is not really an option, is it OK to quit without giving a direct reason?



If not, what would you do?



Edit:
You guys have a lot of useful ideas, and the concensus is clear - telling my boss he's a jerk is a bad idea. But I'd like to try avoiding taking the blame for him in front of HR, meaning no "I'm no longer getting along with my team", or "I've received a better offer" which is interpreted as ditching the company at the first opportunity.
Would a completely neutral statement, something like "No specific reason" or "No reason I'd like to share" be good idea?










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  • 6




    Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
    – gnat
    yesterday






  • 4




    Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
    – marcelm
    yesterday






  • 6




    @MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
    – Patrice
    yesterday






  • 4




    You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
    – Clockwork
    yesterday










  • Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
    – Rui F Ribeiro
    16 hours ago


















83














Imagine you work in a large company, and have had a great time.



After quite some time working with said large company, the manager which hired you - an inspiring, warm, and empowering person - was promoted to work in another country, and instead a new manager was hired.



This manager, now your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong race/nationality", etc), and to your amazement your colleagues follow suit - and your workplace is no longer engaging and fun, but mostly a 9-5 pain.



Naturally, it's time to quit. However, as this is a large company, there'll be a leaving interview, maybe a hearing, and a reason will be asked.



Since saying that the reason you quit is because the new manager is a jerk is not really an option, is it OK to quit without giving a direct reason?



If not, what would you do?



Edit:
You guys have a lot of useful ideas, and the concensus is clear - telling my boss he's a jerk is a bad idea. But I'd like to try avoiding taking the blame for him in front of HR, meaning no "I'm no longer getting along with my team", or "I've received a better offer" which is interpreted as ditching the company at the first opportunity.
Would a completely neutral statement, something like "No specific reason" or "No reason I'd like to share" be good idea?










share|improve this question









New contributor




Mike Meyers is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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  • 6




    Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
    – gnat
    yesterday






  • 4




    Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
    – marcelm
    yesterday






  • 6




    @MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
    – Patrice
    yesterday






  • 4




    You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
    – Clockwork
    yesterday










  • Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
    – Rui F Ribeiro
    16 hours ago
















83












83








83


8





Imagine you work in a large company, and have had a great time.



After quite some time working with said large company, the manager which hired you - an inspiring, warm, and empowering person - was promoted to work in another country, and instead a new manager was hired.



This manager, now your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong race/nationality", etc), and to your amazement your colleagues follow suit - and your workplace is no longer engaging and fun, but mostly a 9-5 pain.



Naturally, it's time to quit. However, as this is a large company, there'll be a leaving interview, maybe a hearing, and a reason will be asked.



Since saying that the reason you quit is because the new manager is a jerk is not really an option, is it OK to quit without giving a direct reason?



If not, what would you do?



Edit:
You guys have a lot of useful ideas, and the concensus is clear - telling my boss he's a jerk is a bad idea. But I'd like to try avoiding taking the blame for him in front of HR, meaning no "I'm no longer getting along with my team", or "I've received a better offer" which is interpreted as ditching the company at the first opportunity.
Would a completely neutral statement, something like "No specific reason" or "No reason I'd like to share" be good idea?










share|improve this question









New contributor




Mike Meyers is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











Imagine you work in a large company, and have had a great time.



After quite some time working with said large company, the manager which hired you - an inspiring, warm, and empowering person - was promoted to work in another country, and instead a new manager was hired.



This manager, now your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong race/nationality", etc), and to your amazement your colleagues follow suit - and your workplace is no longer engaging and fun, but mostly a 9-5 pain.



Naturally, it's time to quit. However, as this is a large company, there'll be a leaving interview, maybe a hearing, and a reason will be asked.



Since saying that the reason you quit is because the new manager is a jerk is not really an option, is it OK to quit without giving a direct reason?



If not, what would you do?



Edit:
You guys have a lot of useful ideas, and the concensus is clear - telling my boss he's a jerk is a bad idea. But I'd like to try avoiding taking the blame for him in front of HR, meaning no "I'm no longer getting along with my team", or "I've received a better offer" which is interpreted as ditching the company at the first opportunity.
Would a completely neutral statement, something like "No specific reason" or "No reason I'd like to share" be good idea?







job-change resignation stress






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edited yesterday





















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asked yesterday









Mike Meyers

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451126




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New contributor





Mike Meyers is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Check out our Code of Conduct.








  • 6




    Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
    – gnat
    yesterday






  • 4




    Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
    – marcelm
    yesterday






  • 6




    @MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
    – Patrice
    yesterday






  • 4




    You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
    – Clockwork
    yesterday










  • Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
    – Rui F Ribeiro
    16 hours ago
















  • 6




    Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
    – gnat
    yesterday






  • 4




    Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
    – marcelm
    yesterday






  • 6




    @MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
    – Patrice
    yesterday






  • 4




    You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
    – Clockwork
    yesterday










  • Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
    – Rui F Ribeiro
    16 hours ago










6




6




Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
– gnat
yesterday




Possible duplicate of Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them?
– gnat
yesterday




4




4




Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
– marcelm
yesterday




Where in the world is this? Cultural expectations can vary significantly.
– marcelm
yesterday




6




6




@MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
– Patrice
yesterday




@MikeMeyers I don't want to ask what exactly is happening, but if it's truly a racism issue, then you may have some legal recourses, depending on the situation
– Patrice
yesterday




4




4




You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
– Clockwork
yesterday




You might want to add a country tag. In some countries, you can get legal help for that kind of situation (e.g. they can't blame you if you're leaving because of something such as racism).
– Clockwork
yesterday












Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
– Rui F Ribeiro
16 hours ago






Do you really have to have that interview? I just passed it on in my last job...they are not really interested in what you have to say.
– Rui F Ribeiro
16 hours ago












11 Answers
11






active

oldest

votes


















97














While turning around in an exit interview and saying you're leaving because your new manager is an arse may seem like a good idea (been there, done that), it doesn't achieve anything when said directly.



The question why are you leaving is for them to get feedback on why employees leave, not for you to justify why you're leaving. You could turn around and say "No reason" and that would be perfectly fine, they aren't going to block the doors.



In my case, as mentioned above, I spoke out very candidly about the manager that was causing me to quit. I knew, between other colleagues, that others would be quitting because of him in the future too. I'll blank out the harsh language, but here's how that conversation went:




Manager: Why are you leaving?



Me: Because [other manager] is a condescending [swear word]. He gets aggressive, talks down to you and sets you up to fail, all the while gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault you're being screamed at. I have more self respect than to be spoken to that way.



Manager: Okay thanks...




Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave because I'm a disruption to other employees.



This is relevant to you because I spoke out that way to try to change the [other manager] so it didn't affect other employees and everyone could just carry on a little bit happier.



Want to know what happened?



The employees quit, the manager never changed, and I burnt a bridge and don't have a reference from that company. Explaining all that in interviews for the following 2 weeks wasn't fun, nor was it worth it.



If you want my advice, just say something canned ("I'm looking for other opportunities" etc) and move on. You'll get a solid reference from them, have a few years experience on your CV and be fine.






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  • 13




    Is a word missing in the first sentence?
    – Eric Duminil
    22 hours ago






  • 31




    "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
    – aroth
    17 hours ago






  • 1




    @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
    – Jay Gould
    12 hours ago






  • 4




    @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
    – Moo
    12 hours ago






  • 1




    (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
    – eggyal
    10 hours ago



















71














You don't have to say anything in that interview and a few canned responses ("looking for new opportunities", "want to grow professionally", "in search of new challenges") will do to not appear unhelpful.



You are right, a judgement like "is a jerk" especially without facts to support it is not helpful at all. HR will just dismiss it. If you say your new manager is a jerk, HR will have no other choice than to dismiss it. Because there is nothing actionable they could do about it. Some people just don't get along. That happens and nothing they could do will ever change that with every hire they make.



So cut out the judgement. Just tell what happened. Don't pass blame. Since the new manager took over, the team spirit shifted and you felt you were no longer included. Prepare a few examples where you think it's the managers fault, but only tell the story, leave out all judgement about who should have done what. Let them reach a judgment about whose fault that might be. If they still think their new hire is great, no harm done. You did not blame him. Maybe they have doubts now? Great, mission accomplished.






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  • 6




    This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
    – bornfromanegg
    yesterday








  • 4




    @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
    – Milo P
    yesterday










  • In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
    – Carl Witthoft
    3 hours ago



















45














Do you care about your co-workers? Do they share your sentiment about the new manager? If so, be honest at the leave interview. I worked at Google many years ago and ended up in the same situation which lead to me leaving the company.



When HR asked why I quit I told them about my manager. Six months later he was fired. I also told a couple of my co-workers about my interview with HR so after a while my whole team learned about it. Most people on my team were grateful to me for "fixing" this boss and I still have a good and active relationship with many of my them. In fact, I think that the fact that I helped them getting rid of this boss has landed me at least two job offerings since then.






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  • 11




    Honesty is always the best policy. +1
    – Zorkolot
    yesterday










  • The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
    – Richard U
    yesterday






  • 2




    I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
    – J. Chris Compton
    yesterday






  • 6




    I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
    – computercarguy
    23 hours ago






  • 1




    Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
    – Tim
    7 hours ago



















25














Either be non-responsive as others have suggested, or damn them with faint praise.




I have nothing bad to say about this company, I very much enjoyed the time I was here and working with [former manager] and under his leadership the team was tight and cohesive.




or




While I have enjoyed good working relationships with my team and my management in the past, I feel it is time to move on.




or




I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]




and simply do not say one word about current manager or his performance. If pressed, use neutral sounding things that will get the point across, but not sound insulting on paper.




[New manager] had big shoes to fill after [Old manager] left.




or




[New manager] has a unique management style.




In other words, by deliberately avoiding saying anything about him, praising your last manager, and leaving this immense whole of data, they'll get the message.






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  • 19




    "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
    – PeteCon
    yesterday






  • 2




    This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
    – DanK
    yesterday






  • 2




    DanK: But that’s not what he means.
    – gnasher729
    yesterday






  • 1




    @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
    – Richard U
    yesterday






  • 2




    "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
    – Harper
    15 hours ago



















11














Bear in mind that you can have the official interview, but also have a quiet chat as well.



The exact approach will depend on your relationships and the approachability of the Big Bosses.



Your former manager is already or is becoming a Big Boss.



Reach out to him. Thank him for the leadership he showed to you. You might be able to ask him to talk through this problem with you. Certainly being pro-active here helps you get the reference you want. You show this guy you are aligned with his values, and that will resonate with him.



I can tell you :




  • Leadership will not know this person is a problem unless they are told.

  • The rest of the team are being taught that being a jerk is OK.

  • Even the new manager may not realise he is a jerk;you might be doing him a favour.


Toxic workplaces need people to speak out. Find a way to do this if you can.






share|improve this answer





























    4















    your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your
    control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong
    race/nationality", etc)




    That's unfortunate. And in my opinion you cannot guarantee a positive reference by lying. This type of logic hopes the company "plays nice" since you've "played nice". That's not the same as a guarantee. Many of the answers here insinuate a guarantee of sorts if you give an inaccurate answer during your exit interview. Not true. If your racist/intimidating boss and coworkers provide any input for future referrals then there really are no guarantees.



    It's a common saying that "there are no guarantees in life". And life can be very unfair. I think this describes your exact situation. For example, you could indeed lie about the real reason for quitting and still get a negative referral. Different reasons could be provided for the negative referral, such as any of the various conflicts and negative interactions they had with you that serve their memory. They could say "nobody liked you." or "he was hard to get along with" or "he didn't work well with us." Which is all the truth according to you. Insulting managers and coworkers do not stop perceiving you negatively merely because you decided to leave.



    The exit interview is designed to give you an opportunity to address problems in the company so that the company can correct them in the future. If it is done by HR, then there is a good chance the interview is confidential, so verify this in advance by asking them- this may circumvent most if not all of the issues you are worried about.



    If you want to tell the truth then back up the allegations with as much evidence as possible. Without evidence an allegation is hard to prove and requires a lot of explaining on your part. Any evidence should speak for itself. Also- if the exit interview is not private- see if you can set up a private meeting with HR. Provide copies of all emails, recorded conversations, post-it notes, etc. displaying the racism or inappropriate behavior- and give these to HR during your meeting or exit interview. If the interactions are being spoken to you- record them with your cellphone (in your pocket for example) and let HR listen to these recordings. The more evidence the better. The less evidence, the more you have to talk to HR to prove the allegations, which for emotionally charged events can be hard for someone to do. Documented evidence of racist or bullying behavior should really speak for itself however.



    If you can't provide any evidence then giving a different reason is an option as you've suggested. But it's passive-aggressive, essentially the intent is to "play nice" hoping the company "plays nice back". But this doesn't make any logical conclusion since they've been bullying you. It doesn't ensure a positive reference in the future. If they provide a negative reference anyway- then you've lost your opportunity to defend yourself during the exit interview. So, the ideal answer is to document everything you can and tell the truth.






    share|improve this answer





























      3














      You have the completely wrong idea. If you don't tell your company that your new manager is a prick with no redeeming qualities, then they can't do anything for you or your team if they don't want you to leave. They also won't figure out that the manager is costing them employees.



      Like it or not, getting stuff done at work is a team game. You need to make decisions that benefit the team here. You also need to realize that telling the truth has one distinct advantage. Telling the truth proves your adherence to honesty and your moral values. That's something that will sound really good in your next interview. "I'm very honest" is one of the best answers to "What's your greatest weakness?". You'll have proof too because when they call your manager/old company they'll hear exactly why you left.



      You should probably tell your manager why you're leaving too. You don't really get anything moving forward if you just make some weak generic excuse in an attempt to make a clean break. Your manager is going to say bad things about you anyway. You might as well get a jump start at trying to explain them away. A bad review and a reason for the bad review is a much better starting place for seeking re-hire than a bad review alone. Your manager doesn't like you so you're getting a bad review when you leave either way.



      The final thing I want to mention here is that since your company is big they can just move you to a different team. They can't offer to change your manager for you if you give them some generic excuse for leaving. If the rest of your team mysteriously leaves too then they really won't know why till your manager really makes a mistake either. Your company could lose an entire team over this because you didn't say anything.



      Don't worry about pissing anyone off. It's not going to matter and in the end it's going to have virtually the same effect on your career as kissing their ass.






      share|improve this answer

















      • 3




        The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
        – Richard U
        yesterday






      • 5




        @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
        – Steve
        yesterday






      • 6




        On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
        – Patrice
        yesterday






      • 3




        @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
        – Richard U
        yesterday






      • 5




        If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
        – Acccumulation
        yesterday



















      1














      (This isn't strictly answering the question, but…)



      Is there any possibility for moving to another team within the company?  Big companies can often be quite flexible, and you'd retain your familiarity with the business, culture, and people.



      Of course, sometimes it's time to move on, and that can have advantages too.  But it's good to consider all the options.



      Otherwise, I think I'd try to compromise between some of the other answers, and in the exit interview tell as much of the truth as you can, in a way which doesn't sound personal or burn any bridges.  (E.g. “I no longer feel part of the team, as I did under [previous manager].” or “The team culture changed after [previous manager] left.” or “I particularly enjoyed working with [previous manager], and it wasn't the same after they left.”)






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      gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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      • Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
        – Mike Meyers
        yesterday










      • @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
        – J. Chris Compton
        yesterday



















      1














      What you do may last with you for a long time. How important is it to get things off your chest?



      My recommendation would be to leave, for a better opportunity, and so on. If, after you left, you still have the irresistible urge, use a vehicle like Glassdoor to express your concerns in a manner that management might hear them.



      There is no need to be destructive to yourself or others. Things happen, and sometimes the universe mis-aligns.






      share|improve this answer































        0














        1) Big companies as a matter of course tend not to give official recommendations. So not saying "my boss was a jerk" is not going to give you more or less points in the future. Either way, HR will confirm to your next employer your dates of employment and your job title, and that's it.



        2) Saying "my boss is a jerk" is not particularly useful. However, explaining why he is a jerk is useful. Don't use loaded language (e.g. "my boss is a jerk"); instead explain things that happened (e.g. "my boss said XYZ"). If you have written proof (emails, screenshots of IM conversations, etc) that helps but is not strictly necessary; you're leaving anyway, you're not expecting any sort of recompense and nor will they give you any. Your "case", such as it is, will not go any better or worse whether you are using hearsay or actual evidence.



        3) HR probably will not care what you have to say, because an exit interview is more or less a formality anyway. However, if you really like the company, I would feel it was my responsibility to help the company succeed even if I was leaving, and a manager who drives people to quit is not helping the company, and HR should know that. Then if more people from your team quit, citing that manager, then HR will eventually have to act, as this manager is causing them to lose talent. I would go so far as to say that it is your responsibility to tell HR you are leaving because your manager is a jerk (see point 2 for precisely what to say), and saying anything else is a disservice.






        share|improve this answer





























          0














          One sentence: Discuss it with your previous manager.



          Because




          1. You respect their judgement.

          2. They know the environment.

          3. They may be able to alert the right people higher up to a disaster in the making. The company don't want to lose you after all this time.

          4. They know you and your foibles.

          5. They may know of an opportunity for promotion, if only sideways.

          6. If everything goes wrong they'll understand and give you a good reference.






          share|improve this answer




















            protected by mcknz 4 hours ago



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            97














            While turning around in an exit interview and saying you're leaving because your new manager is an arse may seem like a good idea (been there, done that), it doesn't achieve anything when said directly.



            The question why are you leaving is for them to get feedback on why employees leave, not for you to justify why you're leaving. You could turn around and say "No reason" and that would be perfectly fine, they aren't going to block the doors.



            In my case, as mentioned above, I spoke out very candidly about the manager that was causing me to quit. I knew, between other colleagues, that others would be quitting because of him in the future too. I'll blank out the harsh language, but here's how that conversation went:




            Manager: Why are you leaving?



            Me: Because [other manager] is a condescending [swear word]. He gets aggressive, talks down to you and sets you up to fail, all the while gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault you're being screamed at. I have more self respect than to be spoken to that way.



            Manager: Okay thanks...




            Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave because I'm a disruption to other employees.



            This is relevant to you because I spoke out that way to try to change the [other manager] so it didn't affect other employees and everyone could just carry on a little bit happier.



            Want to know what happened?



            The employees quit, the manager never changed, and I burnt a bridge and don't have a reference from that company. Explaining all that in interviews for the following 2 weeks wasn't fun, nor was it worth it.



            If you want my advice, just say something canned ("I'm looking for other opportunities" etc) and move on. You'll get a solid reference from them, have a few years experience on your CV and be fine.






            share|improve this answer



















            • 13




              Is a word missing in the first sentence?
              – Eric Duminil
              22 hours ago






            • 31




              "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
              – aroth
              17 hours ago






            • 1




              @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
              – Jay Gould
              12 hours ago






            • 4




              @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
              – Moo
              12 hours ago






            • 1




              (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
              – eggyal
              10 hours ago
















            97














            While turning around in an exit interview and saying you're leaving because your new manager is an arse may seem like a good idea (been there, done that), it doesn't achieve anything when said directly.



            The question why are you leaving is for them to get feedback on why employees leave, not for you to justify why you're leaving. You could turn around and say "No reason" and that would be perfectly fine, they aren't going to block the doors.



            In my case, as mentioned above, I spoke out very candidly about the manager that was causing me to quit. I knew, between other colleagues, that others would be quitting because of him in the future too. I'll blank out the harsh language, but here's how that conversation went:




            Manager: Why are you leaving?



            Me: Because [other manager] is a condescending [swear word]. He gets aggressive, talks down to you and sets you up to fail, all the while gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault you're being screamed at. I have more self respect than to be spoken to that way.



            Manager: Okay thanks...




            Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave because I'm a disruption to other employees.



            This is relevant to you because I spoke out that way to try to change the [other manager] so it didn't affect other employees and everyone could just carry on a little bit happier.



            Want to know what happened?



            The employees quit, the manager never changed, and I burnt a bridge and don't have a reference from that company. Explaining all that in interviews for the following 2 weeks wasn't fun, nor was it worth it.



            If you want my advice, just say something canned ("I'm looking for other opportunities" etc) and move on. You'll get a solid reference from them, have a few years experience on your CV and be fine.






            share|improve this answer



















            • 13




              Is a word missing in the first sentence?
              – Eric Duminil
              22 hours ago






            • 31




              "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
              – aroth
              17 hours ago






            • 1




              @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
              – Jay Gould
              12 hours ago






            • 4




              @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
              – Moo
              12 hours ago






            • 1




              (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
              – eggyal
              10 hours ago














            97












            97








            97






            While turning around in an exit interview and saying you're leaving because your new manager is an arse may seem like a good idea (been there, done that), it doesn't achieve anything when said directly.



            The question why are you leaving is for them to get feedback on why employees leave, not for you to justify why you're leaving. You could turn around and say "No reason" and that would be perfectly fine, they aren't going to block the doors.



            In my case, as mentioned above, I spoke out very candidly about the manager that was causing me to quit. I knew, between other colleagues, that others would be quitting because of him in the future too. I'll blank out the harsh language, but here's how that conversation went:




            Manager: Why are you leaving?



            Me: Because [other manager] is a condescending [swear word]. He gets aggressive, talks down to you and sets you up to fail, all the while gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault you're being screamed at. I have more self respect than to be spoken to that way.



            Manager: Okay thanks...




            Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave because I'm a disruption to other employees.



            This is relevant to you because I spoke out that way to try to change the [other manager] so it didn't affect other employees and everyone could just carry on a little bit happier.



            Want to know what happened?



            The employees quit, the manager never changed, and I burnt a bridge and don't have a reference from that company. Explaining all that in interviews for the following 2 weeks wasn't fun, nor was it worth it.



            If you want my advice, just say something canned ("I'm looking for other opportunities" etc) and move on. You'll get a solid reference from them, have a few years experience on your CV and be fine.






            share|improve this answer














            While turning around in an exit interview and saying you're leaving because your new manager is an arse may seem like a good idea (been there, done that), it doesn't achieve anything when said directly.



            The question why are you leaving is for them to get feedback on why employees leave, not for you to justify why you're leaving. You could turn around and say "No reason" and that would be perfectly fine, they aren't going to block the doors.



            In my case, as mentioned above, I spoke out very candidly about the manager that was causing me to quit. I knew, between other colleagues, that others would be quitting because of him in the future too. I'll blank out the harsh language, but here's how that conversation went:




            Manager: Why are you leaving?



            Me: Because [other manager] is a condescending [swear word]. He gets aggressive, talks down to you and sets you up to fail, all the while gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault you're being screamed at. I have more self respect than to be spoken to that way.



            Manager: Okay thanks...




            Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave because I'm a disruption to other employees.



            This is relevant to you because I spoke out that way to try to change the [other manager] so it didn't affect other employees and everyone could just carry on a little bit happier.



            Want to know what happened?



            The employees quit, the manager never changed, and I burnt a bridge and don't have a reference from that company. Explaining all that in interviews for the following 2 weeks wasn't fun, nor was it worth it.



            If you want my advice, just say something canned ("I'm looking for other opportunities" etc) and move on. You'll get a solid reference from them, have a few years experience on your CV and be fine.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited 12 hours ago

























            answered yesterday









            Jay Gould

            1,6191612




            1,6191612








            • 13




              Is a word missing in the first sentence?
              – Eric Duminil
              22 hours ago






            • 31




              "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
              – aroth
              17 hours ago






            • 1




              @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
              – Jay Gould
              12 hours ago






            • 4




              @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
              – Moo
              12 hours ago






            • 1




              (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
              – eggyal
              10 hours ago














            • 13




              Is a word missing in the first sentence?
              – Eric Duminil
              22 hours ago






            • 31




              "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
              – aroth
              17 hours ago






            • 1




              @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
              – Jay Gould
              12 hours ago






            • 4




              @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
              – Moo
              12 hours ago






            • 1




              (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
              – eggyal
              10 hours ago








            13




            13




            Is a word missing in the first sentence?
            – Eric Duminil
            22 hours ago




            Is a word missing in the first sentence?
            – Eric Duminil
            22 hours ago




            31




            31




            "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
            – aroth
            17 hours ago




            "Next day at 9:03 I get pulled into the meeting room and told that I'm being sent on garden leave" - Some might view that as a legitimate achievement of your candor. There are worse things than being paid for doing nothing.
            – aroth
            17 hours ago




            1




            1




            @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
            – Jay Gould
            12 hours ago




            @Moo you're right in that I could have gotten a "we can confirm he worked these dates" recommendation, and that in the UK it would be illegal to give a bad reference, all of my other jobs being long term giving good references and my most recent of 3 months being "yes he was here" seems off to me.
            – Jay Gould
            12 hours ago




            4




            4




            @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
            – Moo
            12 hours ago




            @JayGould I have 18 years of excellent employment history in the UK, over 5 companies, and every single one of those companies gives a "yes he was here" reference - I wouldn't expect anything different in the UK, and an actual reference would be most unusual. Straw poll of other Brits I know in the industry agree with me, so it's not just me or my situation. I certainly wouldn't expect anything along the lines of "I would recommend X for employment" as that opens up the company giving the reference to legal issues one way or the other.
            – Moo
            12 hours ago




            1




            1




            (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
            – eggyal
            10 hours ago




            (Replacing my earlier comment in order to elaborate a little). Bad references are *legal*—but if (i) they’re inaccurate or misleading; (ii) as a consequence, some loss is suffered (eg job not offered); and (iii) the subject finds out, then the provider of the reference might be sued for damages. Whilst that’s all unlikely, many businesses avoid the risk by only confirming basic facts (employment dates, role, salary, etc). Nevertheless, many people do still talk (off the record) about their former colleagues and indeed an unwillingness to do so can of itself sometimes ring alarm bells.
            – eggyal
            10 hours ago













            71














            You don't have to say anything in that interview and a few canned responses ("looking for new opportunities", "want to grow professionally", "in search of new challenges") will do to not appear unhelpful.



            You are right, a judgement like "is a jerk" especially without facts to support it is not helpful at all. HR will just dismiss it. If you say your new manager is a jerk, HR will have no other choice than to dismiss it. Because there is nothing actionable they could do about it. Some people just don't get along. That happens and nothing they could do will ever change that with every hire they make.



            So cut out the judgement. Just tell what happened. Don't pass blame. Since the new manager took over, the team spirit shifted and you felt you were no longer included. Prepare a few examples where you think it's the managers fault, but only tell the story, leave out all judgement about who should have done what. Let them reach a judgment about whose fault that might be. If they still think their new hire is great, no harm done. You did not blame him. Maybe they have doubts now? Great, mission accomplished.






            share|improve this answer

















            • 6




              This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
              – bornfromanegg
              yesterday








            • 4




              @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
              – Milo P
              yesterday










            • In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
              – Carl Witthoft
              3 hours ago
















            71














            You don't have to say anything in that interview and a few canned responses ("looking for new opportunities", "want to grow professionally", "in search of new challenges") will do to not appear unhelpful.



            You are right, a judgement like "is a jerk" especially without facts to support it is not helpful at all. HR will just dismiss it. If you say your new manager is a jerk, HR will have no other choice than to dismiss it. Because there is nothing actionable they could do about it. Some people just don't get along. That happens and nothing they could do will ever change that with every hire they make.



            So cut out the judgement. Just tell what happened. Don't pass blame. Since the new manager took over, the team spirit shifted and you felt you were no longer included. Prepare a few examples where you think it's the managers fault, but only tell the story, leave out all judgement about who should have done what. Let them reach a judgment about whose fault that might be. If they still think their new hire is great, no harm done. You did not blame him. Maybe they have doubts now? Great, mission accomplished.






            share|improve this answer

















            • 6




              This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
              – bornfromanegg
              yesterday








            • 4




              @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
              – Milo P
              yesterday










            • In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
              – Carl Witthoft
              3 hours ago














            71












            71








            71






            You don't have to say anything in that interview and a few canned responses ("looking for new opportunities", "want to grow professionally", "in search of new challenges") will do to not appear unhelpful.



            You are right, a judgement like "is a jerk" especially without facts to support it is not helpful at all. HR will just dismiss it. If you say your new manager is a jerk, HR will have no other choice than to dismiss it. Because there is nothing actionable they could do about it. Some people just don't get along. That happens and nothing they could do will ever change that with every hire they make.



            So cut out the judgement. Just tell what happened. Don't pass blame. Since the new manager took over, the team spirit shifted and you felt you were no longer included. Prepare a few examples where you think it's the managers fault, but only tell the story, leave out all judgement about who should have done what. Let them reach a judgment about whose fault that might be. If they still think their new hire is great, no harm done. You did not blame him. Maybe they have doubts now? Great, mission accomplished.






            share|improve this answer












            You don't have to say anything in that interview and a few canned responses ("looking for new opportunities", "want to grow professionally", "in search of new challenges") will do to not appear unhelpful.



            You are right, a judgement like "is a jerk" especially without facts to support it is not helpful at all. HR will just dismiss it. If you say your new manager is a jerk, HR will have no other choice than to dismiss it. Because there is nothing actionable they could do about it. Some people just don't get along. That happens and nothing they could do will ever change that with every hire they make.



            So cut out the judgement. Just tell what happened. Don't pass blame. Since the new manager took over, the team spirit shifted and you felt you were no longer included. Prepare a few examples where you think it's the managers fault, but only tell the story, leave out all judgement about who should have done what. Let them reach a judgment about whose fault that might be. If they still think their new hire is great, no harm done. You did not blame him. Maybe they have doubts now? Great, mission accomplished.







            share|improve this answer












            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer










            answered yesterday









            nvoigt

            47.2k20113159




            47.2k20113159








            • 6




              This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
              – bornfromanegg
              yesterday








            • 4




              @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
              – Milo P
              yesterday










            • In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
              – Carl Witthoft
              3 hours ago














            • 6




              This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
              – bornfromanegg
              yesterday








            • 4




              @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
              – Milo P
              yesterday










            • In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
              – Carl Witthoft
              3 hours ago








            6




            6




            This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
            – bornfromanegg
            yesterday






            This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Being a jerk (at work or otherwise) is obviously wrong, but no business has a policy which says, "don't be a jerk", because it's meaningless. They do say things like "treat others with respect", however, and most companies I've worked at also make some attempt to describe what this means. To the OP I would say, without any specific examples of how this manager has "been a jerk", this is just your opinion, and you will be judged for having that opinion, however right you think you are. Don't hurt yourself this way.
            – bornfromanegg
            yesterday






            4




            4




            @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
            – Milo P
            yesterday




            @bornfromanegg, fwiw, I know companies that have "No jerks" policies, verbatim. As you note, though, it's sort of meaningless and hard to back up.
            – Milo P
            yesterday












            In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
            – Carl Witthoft
            3 hours ago




            In fact, these are the reasons you give no matter what the real reasons are for leaving. Nihil nisi bonum is Rule Number One for exit interviews.
            – Carl Witthoft
            3 hours ago











            45














            Do you care about your co-workers? Do they share your sentiment about the new manager? If so, be honest at the leave interview. I worked at Google many years ago and ended up in the same situation which lead to me leaving the company.



            When HR asked why I quit I told them about my manager. Six months later he was fired. I also told a couple of my co-workers about my interview with HR so after a while my whole team learned about it. Most people on my team were grateful to me for "fixing" this boss and I still have a good and active relationship with many of my them. In fact, I think that the fact that I helped them getting rid of this boss has landed me at least two job offerings since then.






            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.














            • 11




              Honesty is always the best policy. +1
              – Zorkolot
              yesterday










            • The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
              – J. Chris Compton
              yesterday






            • 6




              I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
              – computercarguy
              23 hours ago






            • 1




              Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
              – Tim
              7 hours ago
















            45














            Do you care about your co-workers? Do they share your sentiment about the new manager? If so, be honest at the leave interview. I worked at Google many years ago and ended up in the same situation which lead to me leaving the company.



            When HR asked why I quit I told them about my manager. Six months later he was fired. I also told a couple of my co-workers about my interview with HR so after a while my whole team learned about it. Most people on my team were grateful to me for "fixing" this boss and I still have a good and active relationship with many of my them. In fact, I think that the fact that I helped them getting rid of this boss has landed me at least two job offerings since then.






            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.














            • 11




              Honesty is always the best policy. +1
              – Zorkolot
              yesterday










            • The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
              – J. Chris Compton
              yesterday






            • 6




              I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
              – computercarguy
              23 hours ago






            • 1




              Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
              – Tim
              7 hours ago














            45












            45








            45






            Do you care about your co-workers? Do they share your sentiment about the new manager? If so, be honest at the leave interview. I worked at Google many years ago and ended up in the same situation which lead to me leaving the company.



            When HR asked why I quit I told them about my manager. Six months later he was fired. I also told a couple of my co-workers about my interview with HR so after a while my whole team learned about it. Most people on my team were grateful to me for "fixing" this boss and I still have a good and active relationship with many of my them. In fact, I think that the fact that I helped them getting rid of this boss has landed me at least two job offerings since then.






            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.









            Do you care about your co-workers? Do they share your sentiment about the new manager? If so, be honest at the leave interview. I worked at Google many years ago and ended up in the same situation which lead to me leaving the company.



            When HR asked why I quit I told them about my manager. Six months later he was fired. I also told a couple of my co-workers about my interview with HR so after a while my whole team learned about it. Most people on my team were grateful to me for "fixing" this boss and I still have a good and active relationship with many of my them. In fact, I think that the fact that I helped them getting rid of this boss has landed me at least two job offerings since then.







            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.









            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer






            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.









            answered yesterday









            d-b

            50134




            50134




            New contributor




            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.





            New contributor





            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.






            d-b is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.








            • 11




              Honesty is always the best policy. +1
              – Zorkolot
              yesterday










            • The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
              – J. Chris Compton
              yesterday






            • 6




              I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
              – computercarguy
              23 hours ago






            • 1




              Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
              – Tim
              7 hours ago














            • 11




              Honesty is always the best policy. +1
              – Zorkolot
              yesterday










            • The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
              – J. Chris Compton
              yesterday






            • 6




              I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
              – computercarguy
              23 hours ago






            • 1




              Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
              – Tim
              7 hours ago








            11




            11




            Honesty is always the best policy. +1
            – Zorkolot
            yesterday




            Honesty is always the best policy. +1
            – Zorkolot
            yesterday












            The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
            – Richard U
            yesterday




            The coworkers are gangstalking him, BTW.
            – Richard U
            yesterday




            2




            2




            I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
            – J. Chris Compton
            yesterday




            I'm glad to hear this worked out for someone. In my experience it usually doesn't go that way. Honesty is still the best policy, and I encourage it. Just remember that sometimes the cost of "full disclosure" can be pretty high.
            – J. Chris Compton
            yesterday




            6




            6




            I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
            – computercarguy
            23 hours ago




            I feel this is a better answer than the current two higher voted answers. This is a professional talk with management, rather than the rant another answerer used. Getting a manager or coworker "on the radar" can be useful, if done in a professional manner. Stating "the new manager and I aren't getting along" will get you much farther than "Mr. PHB is a total #$%^&". It may lead to more questions, but again, state answers without pointing fingers, and your former co-workers may, eventually, thank you for improving their lives.
            – computercarguy
            23 hours ago




            1




            1




            Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
            – Tim
            7 hours ago




            Good answer, but slightly different situation: his colleagues appear to be siding with the new boss. Solidarity there will work against the OP.
            – Tim
            7 hours ago











            25














            Either be non-responsive as others have suggested, or damn them with faint praise.




            I have nothing bad to say about this company, I very much enjoyed the time I was here and working with [former manager] and under his leadership the team was tight and cohesive.




            or




            While I have enjoyed good working relationships with my team and my management in the past, I feel it is time to move on.




            or




            I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]




            and simply do not say one word about current manager or his performance. If pressed, use neutral sounding things that will get the point across, but not sound insulting on paper.




            [New manager] had big shoes to fill after [Old manager] left.




            or




            [New manager] has a unique management style.




            In other words, by deliberately avoiding saying anything about him, praising your last manager, and leaving this immense whole of data, they'll get the message.






            share|improve this answer

















            • 19




              "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
              – PeteCon
              yesterday






            • 2




              This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
              – DanK
              yesterday






            • 2




              DanK: But that’s not what he means.
              – gnasher729
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
              – Harper
              15 hours ago
















            25














            Either be non-responsive as others have suggested, or damn them with faint praise.




            I have nothing bad to say about this company, I very much enjoyed the time I was here and working with [former manager] and under his leadership the team was tight and cohesive.




            or




            While I have enjoyed good working relationships with my team and my management in the past, I feel it is time to move on.




            or




            I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]




            and simply do not say one word about current manager or his performance. If pressed, use neutral sounding things that will get the point across, but not sound insulting on paper.




            [New manager] had big shoes to fill after [Old manager] left.




            or




            [New manager] has a unique management style.




            In other words, by deliberately avoiding saying anything about him, praising your last manager, and leaving this immense whole of data, they'll get the message.






            share|improve this answer

















            • 19




              "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
              – PeteCon
              yesterday






            • 2




              This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
              – DanK
              yesterday






            • 2




              DanK: But that’s not what he means.
              – gnasher729
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
              – Harper
              15 hours ago














            25












            25








            25






            Either be non-responsive as others have suggested, or damn them with faint praise.




            I have nothing bad to say about this company, I very much enjoyed the time I was here and working with [former manager] and under his leadership the team was tight and cohesive.




            or




            While I have enjoyed good working relationships with my team and my management in the past, I feel it is time to move on.




            or




            I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]




            and simply do not say one word about current manager or his performance. If pressed, use neutral sounding things that will get the point across, but not sound insulting on paper.




            [New manager] had big shoes to fill after [Old manager] left.




            or




            [New manager] has a unique management style.




            In other words, by deliberately avoiding saying anything about him, praising your last manager, and leaving this immense whole of data, they'll get the message.






            share|improve this answer












            Either be non-responsive as others have suggested, or damn them with faint praise.




            I have nothing bad to say about this company, I very much enjoyed the time I was here and working with [former manager] and under his leadership the team was tight and cohesive.




            or




            While I have enjoyed good working relationships with my team and my management in the past, I feel it is time to move on.




            or




            I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]




            and simply do not say one word about current manager or his performance. If pressed, use neutral sounding things that will get the point across, but not sound insulting on paper.




            [New manager] had big shoes to fill after [Old manager] left.




            or




            [New manager] has a unique management style.




            In other words, by deliberately avoiding saying anything about him, praising your last manager, and leaving this immense whole of data, they'll get the message.







            share|improve this answer












            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer










            answered yesterday









            Richard U

            87.6k63222342




            87.6k63222342








            • 19




              "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
              – PeteCon
              yesterday






            • 2




              This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
              – DanK
              yesterday






            • 2




              DanK: But that’s not what he means.
              – gnasher729
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
              – Harper
              15 hours ago














            • 19




              "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
              – PeteCon
              yesterday






            • 2




              This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
              – DanK
              yesterday






            • 2




              DanK: But that’s not what he means.
              – gnasher729
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
              – Richard U
              yesterday






            • 2




              "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
              – Harper
              15 hours ago








            19




            19




            "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
            – PeteCon
            yesterday




            "I cannot say enough good things about [Former Manager]" Best reply. HR people will know what you mean.
            – PeteCon
            yesterday




            2




            2




            This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
            – DanK
            yesterday




            This seems really passive aggressive. Why not simply say what you mean: "so-and so's management style isn't a good fit for me".
            – DanK
            yesterday




            2




            2




            DanK: But that’s not what he means.
            – gnasher729
            yesterday




            DanK: But that’s not what he means.
            – gnasher729
            yesterday




            1




            1




            @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
            – Richard U
            yesterday




            @DanK "A man about to tell the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup" - Mongolean proverb....... So, if he tells them what he REALLY means, being that his boss is a racist/sexist/homophobic...whatever and his entire team is against him, he will be given the boot and probably have a reputation that follows him. NOT a good idea
            – Richard U
            yesterday




            2




            2




            "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
            – Harper
            15 hours ago




            "Unique and memorable management style" ... Then there,s the old British slander, "I have no opinion of person X".
            – Harper
            15 hours ago











            11














            Bear in mind that you can have the official interview, but also have a quiet chat as well.



            The exact approach will depend on your relationships and the approachability of the Big Bosses.



            Your former manager is already or is becoming a Big Boss.



            Reach out to him. Thank him for the leadership he showed to you. You might be able to ask him to talk through this problem with you. Certainly being pro-active here helps you get the reference you want. You show this guy you are aligned with his values, and that will resonate with him.



            I can tell you :




            • Leadership will not know this person is a problem unless they are told.

            • The rest of the team are being taught that being a jerk is OK.

            • Even the new manager may not realise he is a jerk;you might be doing him a favour.


            Toxic workplaces need people to speak out. Find a way to do this if you can.






            share|improve this answer


























              11














              Bear in mind that you can have the official interview, but also have a quiet chat as well.



              The exact approach will depend on your relationships and the approachability of the Big Bosses.



              Your former manager is already or is becoming a Big Boss.



              Reach out to him. Thank him for the leadership he showed to you. You might be able to ask him to talk through this problem with you. Certainly being pro-active here helps you get the reference you want. You show this guy you are aligned with his values, and that will resonate with him.



              I can tell you :




              • Leadership will not know this person is a problem unless they are told.

              • The rest of the team are being taught that being a jerk is OK.

              • Even the new manager may not realise he is a jerk;you might be doing him a favour.


              Toxic workplaces need people to speak out. Find a way to do this if you can.






              share|improve this answer
























                11












                11








                11






                Bear in mind that you can have the official interview, but also have a quiet chat as well.



                The exact approach will depend on your relationships and the approachability of the Big Bosses.



                Your former manager is already or is becoming a Big Boss.



                Reach out to him. Thank him for the leadership he showed to you. You might be able to ask him to talk through this problem with you. Certainly being pro-active here helps you get the reference you want. You show this guy you are aligned with his values, and that will resonate with him.



                I can tell you :




                • Leadership will not know this person is a problem unless they are told.

                • The rest of the team are being taught that being a jerk is OK.

                • Even the new manager may not realise he is a jerk;you might be doing him a favour.


                Toxic workplaces need people to speak out. Find a way to do this if you can.






                share|improve this answer












                Bear in mind that you can have the official interview, but also have a quiet chat as well.



                The exact approach will depend on your relationships and the approachability of the Big Bosses.



                Your former manager is already or is becoming a Big Boss.



                Reach out to him. Thank him for the leadership he showed to you. You might be able to ask him to talk through this problem with you. Certainly being pro-active here helps you get the reference you want. You show this guy you are aligned with his values, and that will resonate with him.



                I can tell you :




                • Leadership will not know this person is a problem unless they are told.

                • The rest of the team are being taught that being a jerk is OK.

                • Even the new manager may not realise he is a jerk;you might be doing him a favour.


                Toxic workplaces need people to speak out. Find a way to do this if you can.







                share|improve this answer












                share|improve this answer



                share|improve this answer










                answered yesterday









                Keith

                26713




                26713























                    4















                    your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your
                    control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong
                    race/nationality", etc)




                    That's unfortunate. And in my opinion you cannot guarantee a positive reference by lying. This type of logic hopes the company "plays nice" since you've "played nice". That's not the same as a guarantee. Many of the answers here insinuate a guarantee of sorts if you give an inaccurate answer during your exit interview. Not true. If your racist/intimidating boss and coworkers provide any input for future referrals then there really are no guarantees.



                    It's a common saying that "there are no guarantees in life". And life can be very unfair. I think this describes your exact situation. For example, you could indeed lie about the real reason for quitting and still get a negative referral. Different reasons could be provided for the negative referral, such as any of the various conflicts and negative interactions they had with you that serve their memory. They could say "nobody liked you." or "he was hard to get along with" or "he didn't work well with us." Which is all the truth according to you. Insulting managers and coworkers do not stop perceiving you negatively merely because you decided to leave.



                    The exit interview is designed to give you an opportunity to address problems in the company so that the company can correct them in the future. If it is done by HR, then there is a good chance the interview is confidential, so verify this in advance by asking them- this may circumvent most if not all of the issues you are worried about.



                    If you want to tell the truth then back up the allegations with as much evidence as possible. Without evidence an allegation is hard to prove and requires a lot of explaining on your part. Any evidence should speak for itself. Also- if the exit interview is not private- see if you can set up a private meeting with HR. Provide copies of all emails, recorded conversations, post-it notes, etc. displaying the racism or inappropriate behavior- and give these to HR during your meeting or exit interview. If the interactions are being spoken to you- record them with your cellphone (in your pocket for example) and let HR listen to these recordings. The more evidence the better. The less evidence, the more you have to talk to HR to prove the allegations, which for emotionally charged events can be hard for someone to do. Documented evidence of racist or bullying behavior should really speak for itself however.



                    If you can't provide any evidence then giving a different reason is an option as you've suggested. But it's passive-aggressive, essentially the intent is to "play nice" hoping the company "plays nice back". But this doesn't make any logical conclusion since they've been bullying you. It doesn't ensure a positive reference in the future. If they provide a negative reference anyway- then you've lost your opportunity to defend yourself during the exit interview. So, the ideal answer is to document everything you can and tell the truth.






                    share|improve this answer


























                      4















                      your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your
                      control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong
                      race/nationality", etc)




                      That's unfortunate. And in my opinion you cannot guarantee a positive reference by lying. This type of logic hopes the company "plays nice" since you've "played nice". That's not the same as a guarantee. Many of the answers here insinuate a guarantee of sorts if you give an inaccurate answer during your exit interview. Not true. If your racist/intimidating boss and coworkers provide any input for future referrals then there really are no guarantees.



                      It's a common saying that "there are no guarantees in life". And life can be very unfair. I think this describes your exact situation. For example, you could indeed lie about the real reason for quitting and still get a negative referral. Different reasons could be provided for the negative referral, such as any of the various conflicts and negative interactions they had with you that serve their memory. They could say "nobody liked you." or "he was hard to get along with" or "he didn't work well with us." Which is all the truth according to you. Insulting managers and coworkers do not stop perceiving you negatively merely because you decided to leave.



                      The exit interview is designed to give you an opportunity to address problems in the company so that the company can correct them in the future. If it is done by HR, then there is a good chance the interview is confidential, so verify this in advance by asking them- this may circumvent most if not all of the issues you are worried about.



                      If you want to tell the truth then back up the allegations with as much evidence as possible. Without evidence an allegation is hard to prove and requires a lot of explaining on your part. Any evidence should speak for itself. Also- if the exit interview is not private- see if you can set up a private meeting with HR. Provide copies of all emails, recorded conversations, post-it notes, etc. displaying the racism or inappropriate behavior- and give these to HR during your meeting or exit interview. If the interactions are being spoken to you- record them with your cellphone (in your pocket for example) and let HR listen to these recordings. The more evidence the better. The less evidence, the more you have to talk to HR to prove the allegations, which for emotionally charged events can be hard for someone to do. Documented evidence of racist or bullying behavior should really speak for itself however.



                      If you can't provide any evidence then giving a different reason is an option as you've suggested. But it's passive-aggressive, essentially the intent is to "play nice" hoping the company "plays nice back". But this doesn't make any logical conclusion since they've been bullying you. It doesn't ensure a positive reference in the future. If they provide a negative reference anyway- then you've lost your opportunity to defend yourself during the exit interview. So, the ideal answer is to document everything you can and tell the truth.






                      share|improve this answer
























                        4












                        4








                        4







                        your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your
                        control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong
                        race/nationality", etc)




                        That's unfortunate. And in my opinion you cannot guarantee a positive reference by lying. This type of logic hopes the company "plays nice" since you've "played nice". That's not the same as a guarantee. Many of the answers here insinuate a guarantee of sorts if you give an inaccurate answer during your exit interview. Not true. If your racist/intimidating boss and coworkers provide any input for future referrals then there really are no guarantees.



                        It's a common saying that "there are no guarantees in life". And life can be very unfair. I think this describes your exact situation. For example, you could indeed lie about the real reason for quitting and still get a negative referral. Different reasons could be provided for the negative referral, such as any of the various conflicts and negative interactions they had with you that serve their memory. They could say "nobody liked you." or "he was hard to get along with" or "he didn't work well with us." Which is all the truth according to you. Insulting managers and coworkers do not stop perceiving you negatively merely because you decided to leave.



                        The exit interview is designed to give you an opportunity to address problems in the company so that the company can correct them in the future. If it is done by HR, then there is a good chance the interview is confidential, so verify this in advance by asking them- this may circumvent most if not all of the issues you are worried about.



                        If you want to tell the truth then back up the allegations with as much evidence as possible. Without evidence an allegation is hard to prove and requires a lot of explaining on your part. Any evidence should speak for itself. Also- if the exit interview is not private- see if you can set up a private meeting with HR. Provide copies of all emails, recorded conversations, post-it notes, etc. displaying the racism or inappropriate behavior- and give these to HR during your meeting or exit interview. If the interactions are being spoken to you- record them with your cellphone (in your pocket for example) and let HR listen to these recordings. The more evidence the better. The less evidence, the more you have to talk to HR to prove the allegations, which for emotionally charged events can be hard for someone to do. Documented evidence of racist or bullying behavior should really speak for itself however.



                        If you can't provide any evidence then giving a different reason is an option as you've suggested. But it's passive-aggressive, essentially the intent is to "play nice" hoping the company "plays nice back". But this doesn't make any logical conclusion since they've been bullying you. It doesn't ensure a positive reference in the future. If they provide a negative reference anyway- then you've lost your opportunity to defend yourself during the exit interview. So, the ideal answer is to document everything you can and tell the truth.






                        share|improve this answer













                        your team leader's boss, hates your guts for reasons outside your
                        control (think stuff like having kids, being "of the wrong
                        race/nationality", etc)




                        That's unfortunate. And in my opinion you cannot guarantee a positive reference by lying. This type of logic hopes the company "plays nice" since you've "played nice". That's not the same as a guarantee. Many of the answers here insinuate a guarantee of sorts if you give an inaccurate answer during your exit interview. Not true. If your racist/intimidating boss and coworkers provide any input for future referrals then there really are no guarantees.



                        It's a common saying that "there are no guarantees in life". And life can be very unfair. I think this describes your exact situation. For example, you could indeed lie about the real reason for quitting and still get a negative referral. Different reasons could be provided for the negative referral, such as any of the various conflicts and negative interactions they had with you that serve their memory. They could say "nobody liked you." or "he was hard to get along with" or "he didn't work well with us." Which is all the truth according to you. Insulting managers and coworkers do not stop perceiving you negatively merely because you decided to leave.



                        The exit interview is designed to give you an opportunity to address problems in the company so that the company can correct them in the future. If it is done by HR, then there is a good chance the interview is confidential, so verify this in advance by asking them- this may circumvent most if not all of the issues you are worried about.



                        If you want to tell the truth then back up the allegations with as much evidence as possible. Without evidence an allegation is hard to prove and requires a lot of explaining on your part. Any evidence should speak for itself. Also- if the exit interview is not private- see if you can set up a private meeting with HR. Provide copies of all emails, recorded conversations, post-it notes, etc. displaying the racism or inappropriate behavior- and give these to HR during your meeting or exit interview. If the interactions are being spoken to you- record them with your cellphone (in your pocket for example) and let HR listen to these recordings. The more evidence the better. The less evidence, the more you have to talk to HR to prove the allegations, which for emotionally charged events can be hard for someone to do. Documented evidence of racist or bullying behavior should really speak for itself however.



                        If you can't provide any evidence then giving a different reason is an option as you've suggested. But it's passive-aggressive, essentially the intent is to "play nice" hoping the company "plays nice back". But this doesn't make any logical conclusion since they've been bullying you. It doesn't ensure a positive reference in the future. If they provide a negative reference anyway- then you've lost your opportunity to defend yourself during the exit interview. So, the ideal answer is to document everything you can and tell the truth.







                        share|improve this answer












                        share|improve this answer



                        share|improve this answer










                        answered yesterday









                        Zorkolot

                        894111




                        894111























                            3














                            You have the completely wrong idea. If you don't tell your company that your new manager is a prick with no redeeming qualities, then they can't do anything for you or your team if they don't want you to leave. They also won't figure out that the manager is costing them employees.



                            Like it or not, getting stuff done at work is a team game. You need to make decisions that benefit the team here. You also need to realize that telling the truth has one distinct advantage. Telling the truth proves your adherence to honesty and your moral values. That's something that will sound really good in your next interview. "I'm very honest" is one of the best answers to "What's your greatest weakness?". You'll have proof too because when they call your manager/old company they'll hear exactly why you left.



                            You should probably tell your manager why you're leaving too. You don't really get anything moving forward if you just make some weak generic excuse in an attempt to make a clean break. Your manager is going to say bad things about you anyway. You might as well get a jump start at trying to explain them away. A bad review and a reason for the bad review is a much better starting place for seeking re-hire than a bad review alone. Your manager doesn't like you so you're getting a bad review when you leave either way.



                            The final thing I want to mention here is that since your company is big they can just move you to a different team. They can't offer to change your manager for you if you give them some generic excuse for leaving. If the rest of your team mysteriously leaves too then they really won't know why till your manager really makes a mistake either. Your company could lose an entire team over this because you didn't say anything.



                            Don't worry about pissing anyone off. It's not going to matter and in the end it's going to have virtually the same effect on your career as kissing their ass.






                            share|improve this answer

















                            • 3




                              The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                              – Steve
                              yesterday






                            • 6




                              On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                              – Patrice
                              yesterday






                            • 3




                              @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                              – Acccumulation
                              yesterday
















                            3














                            You have the completely wrong idea. If you don't tell your company that your new manager is a prick with no redeeming qualities, then they can't do anything for you or your team if they don't want you to leave. They also won't figure out that the manager is costing them employees.



                            Like it or not, getting stuff done at work is a team game. You need to make decisions that benefit the team here. You also need to realize that telling the truth has one distinct advantage. Telling the truth proves your adherence to honesty and your moral values. That's something that will sound really good in your next interview. "I'm very honest" is one of the best answers to "What's your greatest weakness?". You'll have proof too because when they call your manager/old company they'll hear exactly why you left.



                            You should probably tell your manager why you're leaving too. You don't really get anything moving forward if you just make some weak generic excuse in an attempt to make a clean break. Your manager is going to say bad things about you anyway. You might as well get a jump start at trying to explain them away. A bad review and a reason for the bad review is a much better starting place for seeking re-hire than a bad review alone. Your manager doesn't like you so you're getting a bad review when you leave either way.



                            The final thing I want to mention here is that since your company is big they can just move you to a different team. They can't offer to change your manager for you if you give them some generic excuse for leaving. If the rest of your team mysteriously leaves too then they really won't know why till your manager really makes a mistake either. Your company could lose an entire team over this because you didn't say anything.



                            Don't worry about pissing anyone off. It's not going to matter and in the end it's going to have virtually the same effect on your career as kissing their ass.






                            share|improve this answer

















                            • 3




                              The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                              – Steve
                              yesterday






                            • 6




                              On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                              – Patrice
                              yesterday






                            • 3




                              @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                              – Acccumulation
                              yesterday














                            3












                            3








                            3






                            You have the completely wrong idea. If you don't tell your company that your new manager is a prick with no redeeming qualities, then they can't do anything for you or your team if they don't want you to leave. They also won't figure out that the manager is costing them employees.



                            Like it or not, getting stuff done at work is a team game. You need to make decisions that benefit the team here. You also need to realize that telling the truth has one distinct advantage. Telling the truth proves your adherence to honesty and your moral values. That's something that will sound really good in your next interview. "I'm very honest" is one of the best answers to "What's your greatest weakness?". You'll have proof too because when they call your manager/old company they'll hear exactly why you left.



                            You should probably tell your manager why you're leaving too. You don't really get anything moving forward if you just make some weak generic excuse in an attempt to make a clean break. Your manager is going to say bad things about you anyway. You might as well get a jump start at trying to explain them away. A bad review and a reason for the bad review is a much better starting place for seeking re-hire than a bad review alone. Your manager doesn't like you so you're getting a bad review when you leave either way.



                            The final thing I want to mention here is that since your company is big they can just move you to a different team. They can't offer to change your manager for you if you give them some generic excuse for leaving. If the rest of your team mysteriously leaves too then they really won't know why till your manager really makes a mistake either. Your company could lose an entire team over this because you didn't say anything.



                            Don't worry about pissing anyone off. It's not going to matter and in the end it's going to have virtually the same effect on your career as kissing their ass.






                            share|improve this answer












                            You have the completely wrong idea. If you don't tell your company that your new manager is a prick with no redeeming qualities, then they can't do anything for you or your team if they don't want you to leave. They also won't figure out that the manager is costing them employees.



                            Like it or not, getting stuff done at work is a team game. You need to make decisions that benefit the team here. You also need to realize that telling the truth has one distinct advantage. Telling the truth proves your adherence to honesty and your moral values. That's something that will sound really good in your next interview. "I'm very honest" is one of the best answers to "What's your greatest weakness?". You'll have proof too because when they call your manager/old company they'll hear exactly why you left.



                            You should probably tell your manager why you're leaving too. You don't really get anything moving forward if you just make some weak generic excuse in an attempt to make a clean break. Your manager is going to say bad things about you anyway. You might as well get a jump start at trying to explain them away. A bad review and a reason for the bad review is a much better starting place for seeking re-hire than a bad review alone. Your manager doesn't like you so you're getting a bad review when you leave either way.



                            The final thing I want to mention here is that since your company is big they can just move you to a different team. They can't offer to change your manager for you if you give them some generic excuse for leaving. If the rest of your team mysteriously leaves too then they really won't know why till your manager really makes a mistake either. Your company could lose an entire team over this because you didn't say anything.



                            Don't worry about pissing anyone off. It's not going to matter and in the end it's going to have virtually the same effect on your career as kissing their ass.







                            share|improve this answer












                            share|improve this answer



                            share|improve this answer










                            answered yesterday









                            Steve

                            2,097416




                            2,097416








                            • 3




                              The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                              – Steve
                              yesterday






                            • 6




                              On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                              – Patrice
                              yesterday






                            • 3




                              @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                              – Acccumulation
                              yesterday














                            • 3




                              The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                              – Steve
                              yesterday






                            • 6




                              On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                              – Patrice
                              yesterday






                            • 3




                              @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                              – Richard U
                              yesterday






                            • 5




                              If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                              – Acccumulation
                              yesterday








                            3




                            3




                            The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                            – Richard U
                            yesterday




                            The game is over. Saying anything on the way out is only going to burn bridges, and possibly haunt you.
                            – Richard U
                            yesterday




                            5




                            5




                            @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                            – Steve
                            yesterday




                            @RichardU That's a typical mistake people make. Saying something to benefit your team after you leave is going to do more good that harm. You left. The bridge is burnt. The damage you're trying to avoid by selfishly keeping your head down has already been done. There's no "+10 to charisma when dealing with your old boss/coworkers after you leave". Don't fool yourself into believing that kissing ass in an exit interview designed to improve retention and spot problems before they get too bad is going to benefit your career.
                            – Steve
                            yesterday




                            6




                            6




                            On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                            – Patrice
                            yesterday




                            On my end, after an exit interview, I have a checkbox to check. Either "re-hireable" or "non-re-hireable".... In a big company, where you may eventually want to come back to another department, someone being a d*** in an exit interview would likely not have the chance because of that checkbox. Burning bridges is never a good idea. Depends on how it's brought up of course. There's a difference with "the management style changed and doesn't suit me as I find it abrasive and negative" and "the boss is a jerk!".
                            – Patrice
                            yesterday




                            3




                            3




                            @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                            – Richard U
                            yesterday




                            @Zorkolot no, the counter argument is not that someone will get a positive reference in the future, it is that the person will not damage their career. Many industries are VERY incestuous. I met some of the same people in three of the major financial companies. You can very easily end up in a situation where your resume comes across someone's desk at a new company where that person may say. "Zorkolot, yeah, I remember him, he used to work at XZY when I was there. He made a big stink on the way out. Better not consider him" DON'T think that doesn't happen.
                            – Richard U
                            yesterday




                            5




                            5




                            If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                            – Acccumulation
                            yesterday




                            If you tell a prospective employer that your previous employer hates you because you're "honest", they'll very likely conclude that you are a jerk and have so little self-awareness that you're chalking it up to your being "honest". There's very much no guarantee that if they call up the previous employer, the previous employer's assessment will match your own characterization. The OP should balance helping the team with their own interests. They don't "need" to be forthright.
                            – Acccumulation
                            yesterday











                            1














                            (This isn't strictly answering the question, but…)



                            Is there any possibility for moving to another team within the company?  Big companies can often be quite flexible, and you'd retain your familiarity with the business, culture, and people.



                            Of course, sometimes it's time to move on, and that can have advantages too.  But it's good to consider all the options.



                            Otherwise, I think I'd try to compromise between some of the other answers, and in the exit interview tell as much of the truth as you can, in a way which doesn't sound personal or burn any bridges.  (E.g. “I no longer feel part of the team, as I did under [previous manager].” or “The team culture changed after [previous manager] left.” or “I particularly enjoyed working with [previous manager], and it wasn't the same after they left.”)






                            share|improve this answer








                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.


















                            • Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                              – Mike Meyers
                              yesterday










                            • @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                              – J. Chris Compton
                              yesterday
















                            1














                            (This isn't strictly answering the question, but…)



                            Is there any possibility for moving to another team within the company?  Big companies can often be quite flexible, and you'd retain your familiarity with the business, culture, and people.



                            Of course, sometimes it's time to move on, and that can have advantages too.  But it's good to consider all the options.



                            Otherwise, I think I'd try to compromise between some of the other answers, and in the exit interview tell as much of the truth as you can, in a way which doesn't sound personal or burn any bridges.  (E.g. “I no longer feel part of the team, as I did under [previous manager].” or “The team culture changed after [previous manager] left.” or “I particularly enjoyed working with [previous manager], and it wasn't the same after they left.”)






                            share|improve this answer








                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.


















                            • Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                              – Mike Meyers
                              yesterday










                            • @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                              – J. Chris Compton
                              yesterday














                            1












                            1








                            1






                            (This isn't strictly answering the question, but…)



                            Is there any possibility for moving to another team within the company?  Big companies can often be quite flexible, and you'd retain your familiarity with the business, culture, and people.



                            Of course, sometimes it's time to move on, and that can have advantages too.  But it's good to consider all the options.



                            Otherwise, I think I'd try to compromise between some of the other answers, and in the exit interview tell as much of the truth as you can, in a way which doesn't sound personal or burn any bridges.  (E.g. “I no longer feel part of the team, as I did under [previous manager].” or “The team culture changed after [previous manager] left.” or “I particularly enjoyed working with [previous manager], and it wasn't the same after they left.”)






                            share|improve this answer








                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.









                            (This isn't strictly answering the question, but…)



                            Is there any possibility for moving to another team within the company?  Big companies can often be quite flexible, and you'd retain your familiarity with the business, culture, and people.



                            Of course, sometimes it's time to move on, and that can have advantages too.  But it's good to consider all the options.



                            Otherwise, I think I'd try to compromise between some of the other answers, and in the exit interview tell as much of the truth as you can, in a way which doesn't sound personal or burn any bridges.  (E.g. “I no longer feel part of the team, as I did under [previous manager].” or “The team culture changed after [previous manager] left.” or “I particularly enjoyed working with [previous manager], and it wasn't the same after they left.”)







                            share|improve this answer








                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                            answered yesterday









                            gidds

                            1111




                            1111




                            New contributor




                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.





                            New contributor





                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.






                            gidds is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                            Check out our Code of Conduct.












                            • Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                              – Mike Meyers
                              yesterday










                            • @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                              – J. Chris Compton
                              yesterday


















                            • Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                              – Mike Meyers
                              yesterday










                            • @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                              – J. Chris Compton
                              yesterday
















                            Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                            – Mike Meyers
                            yesterday




                            Tried that - new manager, through which such a request had to go, said no other team wanted me and that it's better if I stay where I am
                            – Mike Meyers
                            yesterday












                            @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                            – J. Chris Compton
                            yesterday




                            @MikeMeyers Try shopping around yourself, informally. This only works if you have existing relationships with other managers - and can backfire if those managers think highly of your manager. Depending on how the company is structured you may still have to go through current boss, if so may not be worth the trouble.
                            – J. Chris Compton
                            yesterday











                            1














                            What you do may last with you for a long time. How important is it to get things off your chest?



                            My recommendation would be to leave, for a better opportunity, and so on. If, after you left, you still have the irresistible urge, use a vehicle like Glassdoor to express your concerns in a manner that management might hear them.



                            There is no need to be destructive to yourself or others. Things happen, and sometimes the universe mis-aligns.






                            share|improve this answer




























                              1














                              What you do may last with you for a long time. How important is it to get things off your chest?



                              My recommendation would be to leave, for a better opportunity, and so on. If, after you left, you still have the irresistible urge, use a vehicle like Glassdoor to express your concerns in a manner that management might hear them.



                              There is no need to be destructive to yourself or others. Things happen, and sometimes the universe mis-aligns.






                              share|improve this answer


























                                1












                                1








                                1






                                What you do may last with you for a long time. How important is it to get things off your chest?



                                My recommendation would be to leave, for a better opportunity, and so on. If, after you left, you still have the irresistible urge, use a vehicle like Glassdoor to express your concerns in a manner that management might hear them.



                                There is no need to be destructive to yourself or others. Things happen, and sometimes the universe mis-aligns.






                                share|improve this answer














                                What you do may last with you for a long time. How important is it to get things off your chest?



                                My recommendation would be to leave, for a better opportunity, and so on. If, after you left, you still have the irresistible urge, use a vehicle like Glassdoor to express your concerns in a manner that management might hear them.



                                There is no need to be destructive to yourself or others. Things happen, and sometimes the universe mis-aligns.







                                share|improve this answer














                                share|improve this answer



                                share|improve this answer








                                edited 6 hours ago

























                                answered yesterday









                                mongo

                                1384




                                1384























                                    0














                                    1) Big companies as a matter of course tend not to give official recommendations. So not saying "my boss was a jerk" is not going to give you more or less points in the future. Either way, HR will confirm to your next employer your dates of employment and your job title, and that's it.



                                    2) Saying "my boss is a jerk" is not particularly useful. However, explaining why he is a jerk is useful. Don't use loaded language (e.g. "my boss is a jerk"); instead explain things that happened (e.g. "my boss said XYZ"). If you have written proof (emails, screenshots of IM conversations, etc) that helps but is not strictly necessary; you're leaving anyway, you're not expecting any sort of recompense and nor will they give you any. Your "case", such as it is, will not go any better or worse whether you are using hearsay or actual evidence.



                                    3) HR probably will not care what you have to say, because an exit interview is more or less a formality anyway. However, if you really like the company, I would feel it was my responsibility to help the company succeed even if I was leaving, and a manager who drives people to quit is not helping the company, and HR should know that. Then if more people from your team quit, citing that manager, then HR will eventually have to act, as this manager is causing them to lose talent. I would go so far as to say that it is your responsibility to tell HR you are leaving because your manager is a jerk (see point 2 for precisely what to say), and saying anything else is a disservice.






                                    share|improve this answer


























                                      0














                                      1) Big companies as a matter of course tend not to give official recommendations. So not saying "my boss was a jerk" is not going to give you more or less points in the future. Either way, HR will confirm to your next employer your dates of employment and your job title, and that's it.



                                      2) Saying "my boss is a jerk" is not particularly useful. However, explaining why he is a jerk is useful. Don't use loaded language (e.g. "my boss is a jerk"); instead explain things that happened (e.g. "my boss said XYZ"). If you have written proof (emails, screenshots of IM conversations, etc) that helps but is not strictly necessary; you're leaving anyway, you're not expecting any sort of recompense and nor will they give you any. Your "case", such as it is, will not go any better or worse whether you are using hearsay or actual evidence.



                                      3) HR probably will not care what you have to say, because an exit interview is more or less a formality anyway. However, if you really like the company, I would feel it was my responsibility to help the company succeed even if I was leaving, and a manager who drives people to quit is not helping the company, and HR should know that. Then if more people from your team quit, citing that manager, then HR will eventually have to act, as this manager is causing them to lose talent. I would go so far as to say that it is your responsibility to tell HR you are leaving because your manager is a jerk (see point 2 for precisely what to say), and saying anything else is a disservice.






                                      share|improve this answer
























                                        0












                                        0








                                        0






                                        1) Big companies as a matter of course tend not to give official recommendations. So not saying "my boss was a jerk" is not going to give you more or less points in the future. Either way, HR will confirm to your next employer your dates of employment and your job title, and that's it.



                                        2) Saying "my boss is a jerk" is not particularly useful. However, explaining why he is a jerk is useful. Don't use loaded language (e.g. "my boss is a jerk"); instead explain things that happened (e.g. "my boss said XYZ"). If you have written proof (emails, screenshots of IM conversations, etc) that helps but is not strictly necessary; you're leaving anyway, you're not expecting any sort of recompense and nor will they give you any. Your "case", such as it is, will not go any better or worse whether you are using hearsay or actual evidence.



                                        3) HR probably will not care what you have to say, because an exit interview is more or less a formality anyway. However, if you really like the company, I would feel it was my responsibility to help the company succeed even if I was leaving, and a manager who drives people to quit is not helping the company, and HR should know that. Then if more people from your team quit, citing that manager, then HR will eventually have to act, as this manager is causing them to lose talent. I would go so far as to say that it is your responsibility to tell HR you are leaving because your manager is a jerk (see point 2 for precisely what to say), and saying anything else is a disservice.






                                        share|improve this answer












                                        1) Big companies as a matter of course tend not to give official recommendations. So not saying "my boss was a jerk" is not going to give you more or less points in the future. Either way, HR will confirm to your next employer your dates of employment and your job title, and that's it.



                                        2) Saying "my boss is a jerk" is not particularly useful. However, explaining why he is a jerk is useful. Don't use loaded language (e.g. "my boss is a jerk"); instead explain things that happened (e.g. "my boss said XYZ"). If you have written proof (emails, screenshots of IM conversations, etc) that helps but is not strictly necessary; you're leaving anyway, you're not expecting any sort of recompense and nor will they give you any. Your "case", such as it is, will not go any better or worse whether you are using hearsay or actual evidence.



                                        3) HR probably will not care what you have to say, because an exit interview is more or less a formality anyway. However, if you really like the company, I would feel it was my responsibility to help the company succeed even if I was leaving, and a manager who drives people to quit is not helping the company, and HR should know that. Then if more people from your team quit, citing that manager, then HR will eventually have to act, as this manager is causing them to lose talent. I would go so far as to say that it is your responsibility to tell HR you are leaving because your manager is a jerk (see point 2 for precisely what to say), and saying anything else is a disservice.







                                        share|improve this answer












                                        share|improve this answer



                                        share|improve this answer










                                        answered 3 hours ago









                                        Ertai87

                                        6,8761720




                                        6,8761720























                                            0














                                            One sentence: Discuss it with your previous manager.



                                            Because




                                            1. You respect their judgement.

                                            2. They know the environment.

                                            3. They may be able to alert the right people higher up to a disaster in the making. The company don't want to lose you after all this time.

                                            4. They know you and your foibles.

                                            5. They may know of an opportunity for promotion, if only sideways.

                                            6. If everything goes wrong they'll understand and give you a good reference.






                                            share|improve this answer


























                                              0














                                              One sentence: Discuss it with your previous manager.



                                              Because




                                              1. You respect their judgement.

                                              2. They know the environment.

                                              3. They may be able to alert the right people higher up to a disaster in the making. The company don't want to lose you after all this time.

                                              4. They know you and your foibles.

                                              5. They may know of an opportunity for promotion, if only sideways.

                                              6. If everything goes wrong they'll understand and give you a good reference.






                                              share|improve this answer
























                                                0












                                                0








                                                0






                                                One sentence: Discuss it with your previous manager.



                                                Because




                                                1. You respect their judgement.

                                                2. They know the environment.

                                                3. They may be able to alert the right people higher up to a disaster in the making. The company don't want to lose you after all this time.

                                                4. They know you and your foibles.

                                                5. They may know of an opportunity for promotion, if only sideways.

                                                6. If everything goes wrong they'll understand and give you a good reference.






                                                share|improve this answer












                                                One sentence: Discuss it with your previous manager.



                                                Because




                                                1. You respect their judgement.

                                                2. They know the environment.

                                                3. They may be able to alert the right people higher up to a disaster in the making. The company don't want to lose you after all this time.

                                                4. They know you and your foibles.

                                                5. They may know of an opportunity for promotion, if only sideways.

                                                6. If everything goes wrong they'll understand and give you a good reference.







                                                share|improve this answer












                                                share|improve this answer



                                                share|improve this answer










                                                answered 1 hour ago









                                                Peter Fox

                                                171




                                                171

















                                                    protected by mcknz 4 hours ago



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